Grief Fighters Q&A Manual
Answers for “The Sixteen Stages of Grief” Questions
1) Stage 1 – Shock
Q1 – Do you suffer from insomnia (less than 5 hours per night)?
Answer – Psalm 4:8. In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.
Q2 – Are you nervous, agitated or high strung?
Answer – “When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.” “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
Q3 – Do you feel lost, insecure, or afraid of being alone?
Answer – Psalm 34:18 tells us that “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Q4 – Do you gamble, eat, or shop too much?
Answer – God richly gives His children all things to enjoy (I Tim 6:17), but all those things must be used in moderation (Phil 4:5).
2) Stage 2 – Denial
Q1 – Are you clear about what you fear?
Answer – Fear causes your mind and judgment to be clouded, leading you to make decisions that you wouldn’t have made if you had a clear head about the situation.
Q2 – Do you know the Negative consequences of not taking action?
Answer – The Creator put in our hearts and conscience that He expects each of us to take personal responsibility and accountability for our actions.
Q3 – Are you expressing your fears and emotions?
Answer – The Bible states that any emotion (happiness, sorrow, worry) should be brought in prayer to God, as stated in Philippians 4:6-7.
Q4 – Are you working with your grief counsellor and professionals?
Answer – You need to be truthful and honest with those trying to help you.
3) Stage 3 – Pain
Q1 – Are you still blaming yourself for not doing enough to save your loved one?
Answer – When you attempt to punish yourself or atone for your own sins with self-condemnation you only diminish Christ’s atonement in your own eyes.
Q2 – Are you able to change your painful thoughts into wonderful memories?
Answer – If your mind doesn’t change, you will simply impose your biases and labels on the words you read and say.
Q3 – Have you fully accepted your loss?
Answer – Isaiah 41:10. “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Q4 – Have you moved on and started a new life?
Answer – “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
4) Stage 4 – Guilt
Q 1 – Should you accept guilt as a normal part of loss?
Answer – The Bible doesn’t say you will not feel guilty afterwards, but you should accept it anyway.
Q 2 – Does it help the situation to feel guilty or does it waste your energy?
Answer – Guilty feelings are useful only when they drive us to Repentance.
Q 3 – Should you feel guilty that you may not have made the best decisions possible at the time?
Answer – God doesn’t make decisions for us. He gives us the gift of free will so that we can make decisions and choose to love him
Q 4 – Should you find ways to forgive yourself and ask God to guide you?
Answer – If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.
5) Stage 5 – Anger
Q1 – What makes you angry?
Answer – Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”
Q2 – How do you usually react when you feel angry?
Answer – To surrender your hurt and anger to the Lord means to fully acknowledge your feelings, admit your inability to handle them, revoke your right to revenge, and trust Him to be your defender.
Q3 – How do you feel after you’ve been angry?
Answer – “Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.”
Q4 – How can you react in a more positive way the next time?
Answer – One way to avoid letting anger lead you into sin is to not speak until you are calm. That way, you do not say things you shouldn’t.
6) Stage 6 – Depression
Q1 – Are you bothered by insomnia or sleeping too much?
Answer – Proverbs 6:9-11, which asks sarcastically, “How long will you lie there?” and warns that one who sleeps when he should be working will come to poverty.
Q2 – Do you suffer from low self-esteem?
Answer – 2 Corinthians 12:9. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
Q3 – Do you have poor concentration and difficulty making decisions?
Answer – God wants us to choose, because we love him and want to obey him, to make our decisions within the overall blueprint of his will. It is the Holy Spirit who can guide our choices even as we have freedom to make them.
Q4 – Do you have feelings of hopelessness?
Answer – When you feel down and out think back to Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount in which he said, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:3).
7) Stage 7 – Bargaining
Q1 – Are you following a regular routine?
Answer – Just as God is three in one – Creator, Christ, Holy Spirit – humans were created as three parts: body, mind and spirit.
Q2 – Are you focusing on the positive aspects and what is going well in your life?
Answer – Jesus wants His followers not to worry, but to instead stay focused on and seek the Kingdom of God (Matthew 6:25,33-34).
Q3 – Do you know in your heart and soul that everything is as it should be?
Answer – “Jesus said that man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).
8) Stage 8 – Reflection
Q1 – How did your loss affect you?
Answer – Relying on God and others can relieve your sorrow and give you support.
Q2 – How are you coping, with yourself and others?
Answer – Matthew 6:34: “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
Q3 – What have you learned about yourself during this time of loss?
Answer – Know your own identity. Jesus refused to be made an earthly king because he knew who he was (John 6:15).
Answer – There is no wrong way to reflect on your life thus far and tune into your faith. “Be very careful, then, how you live — not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity.
9) Stage 9 – Loneliness
Q1 – Have you asked someone for help?
Answer – Psalm 34:18 tells us that “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Q2 – How are you allowing yourself to experience all the pain, guilt, regret and loneliness?
Answer – The Good News: While depression can make you feel lonely, God is still there with you. And he’s not going anywhere.
Q3 – Where do you find your daily dose of comfort and hope?
10) Stage 10 – Coping
Q1 – Are you taking time to know your limits?
Answer – Jesus came to break off the limitations that are not from him and empower us to step in to no limitations, full life, to accomplish everything God has called us to be and called us to do.
Q2 – Are you avoiding making major decisions?
Answer – “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” God doesn’t make decisions for us, though. He gives us the gift of free will so that we can make decisions and choose to love him.
Q3 – Are you expressing what you are thinking and feeling?
Answer – First, the Bible states that any emotion (happiness, sorrow, worry) should be brought in prayer to God, as stated in Philippians 4:6-7, for bringing our concerns to God allows His peace and guidance to come to us. Be Very Careful About What You Think Your Thoughts Run Your Life Proverbs 4:23.
Q4 – Are you using chemicals (drugs) to numb your feelings?
Answer – Thessalonians5:6-8. “So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be awake and sober. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet.”
Q5 – Are you honoring your loved one’s memory?
Answer – Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is near to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may fail: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever.” Matthew 5:4 “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.”
11) Stage 11 – Acceptance
Q1 – Are you in touch with the finality of your loss?
Answer – Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is near to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may fail: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever.” Matthew 5:4 “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.”
Q2 – Can you think and talk about pleasant and unpleasant memories?
Answer – Be Very Careful About What You Think Your Thoughts Run Your Life Proverbs 4:23.
Q3 – Can you enjoy your time alone and feel comfortable?
Answer – “[He] comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
Q4 – Are you less sensitive to the comments people make?
Answer – “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” “A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.”
Q5 – Do you look forward to holidays?
Answer – Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you.
12) Stage 12 – Hope
Q1 – Are you moving from hope to doing?
Answer – “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Q2 – Can you help others who have no hope?
Answer – God helps those who cannot help themselves, which is what grace is about (the parable of the Pharisee and the Publican, Ephesians 2:4–5, Romans 4:4–5).
Q3 – Are you listening to others?
Answer – Philippians 2:4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Matthew 11:15 He who has ears to hear, let him hear. Philippians 2:3-4 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.
Q4 – Do you dare to dream about your future?
Answer – Our past has changed, because, in God’s eyes, we have no past, only a great future. In Jeremiah 29:11, He says: “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
13) Stage 13 – Moving On
Q1 – Are you avoiding or over reacting to your emotions?
Answer – Do not be overwicked, and do not be a fool– why die before your time? It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other. The man who fears God will avoid all [extremes]. Wisdom makes one wise man more powerful than ten rulers in a city.
Q2 – Are you using alcohol or drugs to help you move on?
Answer – Drug addiction is certainly a heavy load, and many who struggle with it would like nothing more than to put it down and rest. While that’s not an easy task, Matthew 11:28-29 reminds people that Christ will help them shoulder the burdens they struggle with.
Q3 – Are you making unrealistic promises to your lost loved one?
Answer – A faithful witness will not lie: but a false witness will utter lies. A scorner seeks wisdom, and finds it not: but knowledge is easy unto him that understands. Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceive not in him the lips of knowledge.
Q4 – Do you still have unresolved grief from a previous loss?
Answer – Not only is God with his people when they go through times of grief, but his people, too, are called to weep with those who are weeping. The community of God’s people is often the very means by which God ministers his comfort and peace to the broken hearted.
14) Stage 14 – Forgiveness
Q1 – Are you in a hurry to get through this grieving process?
Answer – Rather than rushing from one task to the next and ending the day with disappointment, frustration, and anxiety, let us “lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith” (Hebrews 12:1–2).
Q2 – Do you feel you are betraying your loved one by moving on?
Answer – It’s through forgiveness (of oneself) that God heals our deepest wounds, and frees us from the pain of our anger, hate, self-pity, and self-contempt.
Q3 – Are you sharing what you’ll miss most about your loved one?
Answer – Not only is God with his people when they go through times of grief, but his people, too, are called to weep with those who are weeping. The community of God’s people is often the very means by which God ministers his comfort and peace to the broken hearted.
Q4 – Do you ask yourself what would your loved one want you to do?
Answer – A grieving person must resolve the emotional and life changes that come with the death of a loved one. The pain may become less intense, but it’s normal to feel emotionally involved with the deceased for many years.
Q5 – Are you asking God to help you find meaning and a purpose in your life?
Answer – Psalm 138:8 (ESV) says: “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.” This verse tells us that God has a purpose for our lives, and He will accomplish it.
15) Stage 15 – A relationship with God
Q1 – Do you regularly allocate time to being alone with God?
Answer – James states it plainly: Come near to God and he will come near to you. God wants us to spend time with him! In fact, the more time we spend with God, the more he will be involved in our lives.
Q2 – Are you consistent about your spiritual disciplines and duties?
Answer – As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me” (John 15:4). To abide is to endure without yielding, to continue in a place, to remain stable.
Q3 – Are you seeking ways to bring God and the Bible into your life?
Answer – “Seek the Lord while he may be found; call upon him while he is near.” If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
Q4 – Do you know that God is the secret to a happy and fulfilled life?
Answer – In the first 10 verses of John 10, Jesus addresses this important topic. He is discussing his role as the Good Shepherd and in verse 10 states his purpose on earth: “I came so that they could have life — indeed, so that they could have life to the fullest”.
16) Stage 16 – Things my (name) loved
Q1 – Do you plan to keep your memories alive?
Answer – If you cherish something such as a hope or a pleasant memory, you keep it in your mind for a long period of time.
Q2 – Would you feel guilty if you didn’t keep your loved one’s memory?
Answer – Regret can draw us to salvation. Paul tells us that “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation” (2 Corinthians 7:10) and that it is God’s kindness that brings us to repentance (Romans 2:4).
Q3 – Are you seeking help with this stage of your grief journey?
Answer – Tell God of your pain and grief; claim these promises and trust that God will bring them to pass. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matthew 5:4, NKJV). “Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live.
Q4 – Can you now move on and help someone else in their hour of grief?
Answer – 2 Corinthians 1:3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
THE GFA TEAM